I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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