if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
