i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you would pick up someone in the library
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
