We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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