We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
