just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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