I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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