:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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