I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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