my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
