I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
