just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
did i just pee glitter
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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