so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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