like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
