She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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