so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
