So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
