I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
3pm strippers are depressing
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
