when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
