U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
