He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
