watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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