You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
