my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
