I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
you had me at cake vodka
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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