My brain says no but my pants say off.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
