I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
