Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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