Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
