you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
