Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
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