he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
