I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
