Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
