Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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