One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
