I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
