cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
