I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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