I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
