Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
