there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
