She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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