Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
