There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
