Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
