evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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