I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I am available for nakedness
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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