What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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