His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
