I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
