Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
